Saturday, July 21, 2007

change in me

JULY 07
Ĩ ŤĤŐÚĞĤŤ ÁßŐÚŤ ŶŐÚ ŤŐĎÁŶ, ÁŃĎ ŦŐŔ ŤĤĔ ŦĨŔŚŤ ŤĨМĔ ĨŤ ŴÁŚŃ'Ť ÁßŐÚŤ ŤĤĔ РÁŚŤ, ŐŔ ŤĤĔ ĹĨĔŚ, ĨŤ ŴÁŚŃ'Ť ÁßŐÚŤ ŤĤĔ ĤÚŔŤ, ŐŔ ŤĤĔ ŤĔÁŔŚ, ĨŤ ŴÁŚŃ'Ť ÁßŐÚŤ МŶ ßŔŐĶĔŃ ĤĔÁŔŤ ŐŔ ŴĤÁŤ Ĩ ÚŚĔĎ ŤŐ ŴĨŚĤ ŤĤĔ ŦÚŤÚŔĔ ŴŐÚĹĎ ßĔ. ĨŤ ŴÁŚ ÁßŐÚŤ ŤĤĔ ĔŃĎ ŤŐ ÁĹĹ ŤĤÁŤ, ÁŃĎ ŤĤĔ ßĔĞĨŃŃĨŃĞ ŐŦ Á ŦŔĨĔŃĎŚĤĨР. ŚŐ, Ĩ ĎŐŃ'Ť ĶŃŐŴ ŴĤŶ РĔŐРĹĔ ŚÁŶ ĹŐVĔ ŃĔVĔŔ ĔŃĎŚ ĨŃ ŦŔĨĔŃĎŚĤĨР ßĔČÁÚŚĔ МĨŃĔ ŦŐŔ ŶŐÚ ĤÁŚ...

ČÁŃ'Ť ŚÁŶ ĤŐŴ Ĩ ŦĔĔĹ, ČÁŃ'Ť ŤĔĹĹ ĨŦ МŶ ĤĔÁŔŤ ŴŐÚĹĎ ĤĔÁĹ, ßÚŤ Ĩ ÁĹŴÁŶŚ ĶŃĔŴ ŦŔŐМ ŤĤĔ ŚŤÁŔŤ, Ĩ ŃĔVĔŔ ŔĔÁĹĹŶ ĤÁĎ ŶŐÚŔ ĤĔÁŔŤ. ŚŐ ĹĔÁVĔ МĔ ŃŐŴ ßĔŦŐŔĔ Ĩ ČŔŶ. ŤĤĔ РÁĨŃ'Ś ŤŐŐ МÚČĤ ŤŐ ŚÁŶ ĞŐŐĎßŶĔ. ßÚŤ ÁĹŴÁŶŚ ŔĔМĔМßĔŔ ĨŃ ĔÁČĤ ŤĔÁŔ Ĩ ŚĤĔĎ, ĨŚ ÁŃ 'Ĩ ĹŐVĔ ŶŐÚ' ĹĔŦŤ ÚŃŚÁĨĎ
P.S jus came across this small article and thought i feel the same way as it is written so jus added it in my blog......

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The end(wen life became much easier widout him n here i am now living each n every moment of my life happily)

All i can say now is i will always be a gd friend of urs(i dont know if u count me as one or no).I will always b thr in ur gd times as well as ur bad timesa a true friend(though u will always have a special place somewhere in my heart),and thts a promise to u from someone who loves u truly and who always loved u truly.I dont want u to realise anything tht u have done to me cos mayb tht was my destiny and it was meant for me.All i want is tht u b happy in life.A nd if ever u need me for anything i'll always be thr for u.i promise....
P.S hey sorry guys for borin ull so much....but these r words tht have truly come out from within......and 1 more thing sorry for not tellin ull the name of tht person....cant disclose it here.....sorry.....

Things i learnt from my relationship

I have learnt some lessons from my past relationships,to keep no expectation,there is nothin like a perfect human being,knock on the heart onceand let fate decide,thr is a thin line between self-respect and egoism,its better to hurt someone wid a truth then to keep him/her wid a lie.
Love taught me how to face life head on.Life goes on and everyday comes wid a new tension,wid a new challenge,and thts the hardest part.Facing it,is gd.It doesnt matter it was ur mistake,the other persons fault or anything or anybody else,never let the other person know how it made u feel.Jus live life,all we nee to do is to look at life a lil harder.
I have jus learnt in life tht family is really important.Nobody is worth hurtin ur parents specially.Because u always end up cryin and they end up comforting u,which is the worst possible pain u can cause them.Let time heal all wounds.Nothing could help me wen i was in love except time.When i came in terms wid my sorrow,and accepted it was nevre meant to be.

Realisation

MAY 07
Love meant to me as life,togetherness,exchanging feelings,unnecessary talks,a sensation but love can give so much pain was unknown to me.Its such intense,unbearable tht sometimes i feel like jumping from the rooftop,slitting my hand,having sleeping pills,but i know till death comes andembraces me,i wont die.
I agree u were my world,and when u left me it broke me into pieces but i realised how much i had learnt and how much more i deserved.I am a stronger person for it today.My world was shattered when i found out tht the guy i had fallen in love with was not the one he says he was.It was even more painful when i learned tht everything was a lie.But i will never become the person i am today widout it.I realised my hidden potentials.I admit it still hurts to look back but now i know tht i was meant for him and he was meant to break my heart,and in a way teach me the hardest thing to do in life and tht is letting go.
I loved u wid all my heart,was ready to compromise on anything u asked,which u knew all the way long.But i really wish tht wenever u told me i love u,u meant it.I jus wish u had told me the truth.Anyways i am happy tht u r not in my life anymore.I know one day i might jus fall in love again and hopefully thtperson wont be like u.I know i will move on wid my life again.I dont know y i even think bout u.But ill still cherish those very few moments of life u gave me.
I'll still love u so much,but hate u too.And i jus cant forgive u for the pain u gave me jus to break me off.
I have been lied to all the time.all the joys we shared were plastic and no matter how much i tried to be the better person,he had to leave me,maybe his desires of a relationship were much much different.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Acceptance

APRIL 07
We r friends,but ull always have tht special place in my heart and my life.Its tough standing next to u as a friend but i will survive.You might be insensitive but i still care for u.
You r the one who helped me out wen i was down and its u who put me down now,but still i love u forever.Its hard to forget u.We wanted to be gd friends and we will be like dat.whatever may be the reason,i am wid u if not as ur love but as a friend.Its hard but i have to digest this fact.I respected u.I loved u so much and i still love u and was faithful to u and u r the one who proved it tht love never wins.Tryin to forget u is like trying to remember some1 i never knew.Everyone tells me i should forget bout u ,u dont deserve me,they r right u dont deserve me but i deserve u.I want to tell u tht i will keep on loving u forever,if u dont want to be mine still i will love u and pray tht where ever u r in this world,u live happily.Whenever u will look back,u will still find me waitin for u,to help u if u r in trouble,marry u if u r ready,give u a shoulder if u want to cry.The day i leave this world,i will give u all my hapiness and take all ur problemsfrom this world so u can live happily.
If u have left me it means u never loved me,if u dint love me y did u play wid my heart.U left me now because now u have whatever u wanted or wished,not all of one's wishes come true.One day ur wishes will change and one or the other dayu will realise ur mistakes.
My heart is still not ready to accept the realitycos i still have faith and trust in my love cos love is immortal.The reason i cry most is cos no matter how much i cry i cant get wat i lost and thts u.I regret every second of everyday,in which i never told u tht "i love u"and"i miss u"and "i want to hold u and be wid u".Come back to me and i swear tht i will make it upto u cos i really really really love u.

The Bangkok trip

MARCH 07
The bangkok trip i had was to forget my past.I came back happy thinking God has been kind to me and has helped me,but again thr i was wrong.I guess he jus cant see me happy.Our conversation tht day shook me completely,but frankly i was at ease and a little happy from within hearing u still had feelings for me somewhere deep down ur heart.I know i had to move onbut something really stopped me tht day,i dont know wat.But over the next few days ur behaviour towards me once again changed and i was shattered again completely.At tht time i thought the conversation we had was all crap and tht once more u had lied to me.I dont know if tht is true,but if somewhere tht was true,then i guess u should not have done tht.Was i some puppet for for u always??Was i the only one whom u thought u cud hurt(anytime)??Was i the one u had to get over ur past??I just have 1 question to ask u,why was it always me??why was this behaviour always wid me??Wat wrong had i done to u,was it my mistake tht i loved u truly and madly,i trusted u completely,but it dint even take u a second to break all tht.
P.S-so guys in short my bangkok trip dint help me get over him at all....

Friday, July 13, 2007

my life since oct 06(love screwd it all)

This is for some1 who is very close to my heart and i guess i will never be able to forget him....

OCT 06-FEB 07

You remember wat u told me once upon a time"i love u more than anything in this world".These r the words tht keep haunting me throughout,how cud u be so selfish.Icant forget the first kiss,our long drives,our morning chat at 4am occasionally and the way u called me on my cell as soon as u were back from office.I was ready to cancel everything for u.My mobile misses ur calls,my ears miss ur voice,my eyes miss ur looks.You broke my heart.People keep on tellin me,it wont be a long time before i forget u but thts not happening.I need u.i am waiting for u to be back.I wonder y things always go against me.Its as if i have to ask life howcould life be so good to me wen something good happens to me.Its really miserable without u.

I know it meant nothin to u but if only u had the ability to feel like me,u wud know how it is to love some1.How it is to get hurt and how it is to lose the person u treasure more than anything in the world.You wud know how it is to talk to some1 u love.How one's heart beats even at the smile of the other person.How all songs seem true.How ur eyes never get satisfied seein tht person.If only u knew how i feel for u.When u wud be able to feel and love then u wud know how it is to be betrayed,how it is to be promised and then broken.Always remember "life goes on,time never stops for anyone"but for me it feels as if time has stopped widout u in my life.

I accept tht we r over.It doesnt matter whose fault it was and wat was the reason u walked away.The point is tht u broke my heart,the heart tht loves u so much.Even after such a long time i still remember you as if it was yesterday tht i last met u.I tried my best to forget u but still all i did was remembered u.

I dont know wat went wrong between us,i still love u like before and my unconditional love is askin a condition from u tht is ur love.I remember the day we proposed each other,the day we cried wen we got apart.Please come back in my life cos widout u my life is incomplete.

He was never mine to be lost,but still i miss being in love wid him.It hurts but still its worth the pain.

I dont know whether u and i will unite,but u have become a soft memory,everytime i recall it hurts,but i think thts life.Life is tht,tht all can understand it well when u one connects the dots backwards.

I wish i cud spend more time wid u baby.I wish god never kept us apart.I wish u were mine.I love u and miss u so much.Please come back to me ur love is waiting for u.

I wish i cud spend a moment wid u.I wish those pretty moments come back to my lonely life.....wish a moment meant a lifetime.All i want u to know is i love u and i know u know it but arent sure of it.And even if u r sure of it u wont be able to accept it,and indirectly u have already given me the reasons.But trust me those reasonsare jus not enough.Its jus tht u gotta come up.And i know wat is stopping u.Dont u think tht can change?Dont u think i can definately work upon tht for my love,my life which is only u.Please tell me wats in ur mind,i hate these hide and seeks too but i bet u know the reasons.And i know u understand me.Dont u ever miss me.Yet thr lies a hope in my mind tht tells me you will come back in my life and trust me i am waiting.Sometimes i wish i hadnt met u cos goin away from u is hurtin me alot.I love u but y does it not mean anything to u.

You knew i loves u more than anything else,u knew tht i cant live widout speakin to u for a single day,u knew i always died to have a glimpse of urs,u knew everything but then also u betrayed me.You have let me alone,not only alone,u left me at the time i needed u the most.I will always value ur surrenderin to me as one of the most precious gifts tht was offereed to me.I really love u.

One less kiss to give away each night,now tht u r gone it jus doesnt seem right alone listeneing to our song.The thought of u know is jus a faint memory,i wish i could remeber because cos ur the greatest persongod cud bring me.I tell u i hate u and i really dont care,but the truth is tht those feelings r still there!Those feelings of love we once shared.I love u,i miss u,and i wish u were mine but some things jus change wid time.I guess ur feeings have me washed away jus as a shell on the beach wud bring high tide.You were the huge wave tht knocked me offmy feet and into ur arms,and i was ur angel,ur everyhing,wat u were i was.Thats y i cudnt survive a day widout talkin to u or knowing how u were,cos i was lost not knowin wat the other part of myself was doing,and i still cant.Ever since we have been apart i have felt this hapiness.I cant go on loving anyone untill the other half of me is returned,which is good cos tht means i will love no one else but u....I love u now and forever,and someday i will be the angel tht takes u into heaven.

I will never forget the days we once had.The days wen u were everything to me.My mind always told me we wud be together.But now i realise tht was jus a dream.

The feelin tht i have for u will never go.I wish dat day never wen we seperated,the day i had to let u slide from my arms.I sometimes wonder if u still think of me.I wish one day we can have it all back.Everyday my love grows stronger,hoping tht one day u will feel the same.I was ur world once,ur priority once,ur hapiness once.But ur world,priority and hapiness has changed.My life had stopped at that time only wen we parted.All i know is tht whereever i am whether in this world or not but me heart,my soul and each tear of my eyes wil be loving and missing u.